My sexy pony: Magic is sexy
by Rod Vulpine
Summary: An Mlp Fim hater decides to warp to a parallel universe similar to that of our lovable canon ponies! Only in this one they have human like bodies there! Will he execute his devious plan or will things take an odd turn? Read to find out! human OCXMane6


My sexy Pony: Magic is Sexy

**Warning: This fanfic contains a lot of explicit sexual content that is not for young readers! Some people might find this R rated material disgusting because it contains anthropomorphized versions of ponies (furry).**

**Later on in the course of the story, there will be some disturbing and mind-wrecking imagery as well so be warned!**

**The characters from My little pony: Friendship is Magic and all material connected to the franchise belongs to Hasbro.**

**Danny belongs to me.**

**Enjoy!**

**Chapter 1**

**And so it begins!**

At first there is nothing but a flowery valley. The flowers were blooming, the birds chirping and the butterflies were flapping around. Then there came a young man of the age of 21.

"*loud whistle*Fwoooooot! YO! OVER HERE! FOCUS THE SHOT ON ME!" he yelled ever so loudly, disturbing all the animals, making them flee from the sound of his voice.

After that disturbance, we move our shot to this good looking guy with short blond stylishly ruffled hair, tall, naturally beefy (no chemicals added) and a cool guy smile on his face.

"Hey, you guys… I mean readers of ! My name is Danny and I am here to share my thoughts witcha! About what subject you may ask? Well, duuuuh… this is a My little pony fanfic! For what other matter could I talk about! Let me start by saying that I am not one of them nerdy bronies who adore those peace-loving prancing talking animals! I might even add that I find their naivety quite vexing for you see not everybody is under their freaky spell, not to mention that they have spread all over the net like it or not! So even though I have my principles and pride as a man, and do not wish to pay any special attention to this nerd candy, I could not ignore the fact that THEY'RE BEING SHOVED IN MY FACE EVERY SINGLE DAY, many of my friends becoming some sort of zombie minions of theirs, wanting me to "join the herd"! Well I gave it a fair shot! And I didn't like it! Maybe it has to do with the fact that I am a grown man and this show is for children from 3 to 7! And yet adults love it! Pardon, let me correct myself! Geeks, Melvins and chicks love it! I couldn't understand why!

I researched the show, forced myself to watch the whole 1st season + over a half of the 2nd! It didn't occur to me what was good about it! The only redeeming quality was the cartoony slap-sticky goodness, when some of them got hurt by an anvil or breaking the 4th wall or stretching or whatever! But I can watch the Mask, or Looney tunes or Animaniacs if I want sum a those classics! And so I hated the show!

And yet I asked myself: "What would make the show better even with this infantile plot and naïve characters!" Well the answer came to me when I imagined them with human like bodies… with boobs and asses! "NOW THAT IS A SHOW I WOULD LOVE TO WATCH!" I said to myself. After all, I, as a cool guy, follow my principles and would not mind their sugary sweetness if they were hot women-like.

Just recently a strange thing happened to me! It happened a couple of months ago on a Friday! That's right! I'm going to tell you about my adventure in a not so typical Equestria and share to you all my adventures there!" The blonde pony-hater stopped to take a breath then continued "Now, before we begin, I was asked to… I mean obliged to let the author of this fanfic have a say in this. If it depended on me I'd kick his ass right now since he's a no good Brony whom I hate so very much… anyways here he is!"

The camera moved to a slim lad with a dark brown mullet hair, rectangular glasses, a Roman nose, and an uneasy expression.

"Hey, there! The author of "My Sexy Pony: Magic is sexy" here! I just wanna start by saying that this is a fan-made work! This is not meant to insult Bronies, it's all for laughs, giggles and sex appeal! Relax! I won't let him hurt any of our pony chars.! So don't be mad… it'll be a fun fanfic!" the author announced politely, after which he got pushed back by his impatient OC.

"I really hate this guy! Fucking nerd! Doesn't let me have any fun! Anyways, hold on to your hats! Its gonna be one helluva bumpy parody! Litterally!"

And with that a very huge flashback began which was gonna last till the end of this fanfic.

We now see Danny walking down a random street (planet Earth). He was the coolest guy in town! Everybody looked up to him and asked him for advice! This dude was a skilled mixed martial artist and also very cunning and clever! Everything seemed to go his way and he was happy! Yet he couldn't help but feel slightly aggravated today! Like everyone else, this awesome fellow used the net. And there were ponies popping all over it these recent years! Confound these ponies! If they had more human female like bodies, he would mess with them by sticking it in them! He knew that a lot of their geeky fans would flip out and hate him for that but he didn't give a damn!

Well… he might as well get his mind off things by going to his friend professor Sowell, a mad scientist with an ironic name, because he wasn't well in the head. But hey! He was amusing with his crazy ideas. Danny even volunteered as his test subject as long as there was always an already prepared antidote or anti-measure to whatever crazy experiment the professor wanted to put him through.

Taking a confident turn round a corner, our character entered a half torn down alleyway, with dusty bricks lying around everywhere, some old clothes drying on a thread with stitches all over them, boarded up windows and some of the walls missing. There was even a rat scurrying along the trash cans but as soon as it saw the human, it ran for its life back to its little hole. And there it was: the entrance to the professor's lab! A thick steel door that had a tag that said "No cops, No lawyers, No pets, No door-to-door salesmen! Keep out!". Quickly unlocking it with a fancy key, Danny entered confidently without a second thought. He got greeted by a monkey wrench though:

"WE DON'T WANT ANY!" A crabby high-pitch voice was heard, a dark gloved hand throwing the metal object.

"It's me Doc." The blonde young man avoided the wrench, rolling his eyes at the blunt way the scientist expressed his sour mood.

"Oh, Danny! Glad to see yo pretty boy white face with ye silly threads! Quite a site for my sore eyes!" professor Sowell revealed himself as a short but skinny middle-aged African-American with short grey curly hair and a wide kinda creepy smile.

"Whaddup Sowell! Whatcha workin' oooooon?" The confident dude did a series of pointing, using both index fingers as a sign of respect.

Danny's voice had this quality that reminded of Mordecai's voice (from Regular show) when he was saying something cool. As a side note he was wearing his bright red collared t-shirt today combined with a velour aqua marine blue tracksuit bottom.

"Well I was finishing up on my trans-dimensional teleportation device! I know it's not an original name but it's all the media industry's fault! They've thought of everything!" The middle-aged man's excited face turned grumpy again as he shook his fist in the air, cursing the media and its overactive imagination. "But unlike all these made up science fiction models my version of it actually works!" His expression changed again to a gloating smug smirk.

"Oh rly? Sounds interesting! I was just thinking about a hypothesis about a certain altered version of a certain dimension!" The blonde protagonist put his thumb under his chin, ponderingly.

"Ooooh, I'd love to hear about that! I could send ya there sonny! Just tell me where you want to go!" Sowell slapped the boy on the back optimistically.

"Well, I'm not sure about this! I mean it was just an idea! Not sure if I'd be able to cope there, and the supplies and I can't just leave my awesome life, which I've strived to live with all my passion! What if I can't go back?" Danny hesitated about this whole thing.

"No worries boy! I have a timer for that! After I set it, the moment you go to whatever world you went to, a countdown starts! You can stay there for whatever period you choose! A day, a week, a month, why even a year! And after the time limit exceeds the portal you entered the world from reopens back to this one at my lab! " The professor explained by pointing at a fancified alarm clock that had dates and years on it.

"Hmmm, maybe I could give this a whirl! I was getting bored of this daily routine anyways! But I'll need to pack some stuff! But before I do that, we need to find this dimension I would like to go to!" The hero thought aloud and planned.

"Well, then what do you have in mind?" The scientist tapped his fingers against each other.

"Have you ever heard of a silly kids' show called "My little pony: Friendship is magic"?" The awesome fellow waved his hand, feeling a bit awkward.

"OH YES! ITS MY FAVOURITE…" Mr. Sowell's eyes lit up with joy, only for it to turn into shame when he saw the surprised contemptuous look his friend gave him "Uummm… I mean, yes, I've researched it a little." He kicked the dust in front of him.

"Seriously doc? Yet I find another Brony standing in my presence! Now I know that these ponies must be stopped! I WILL MAKE AN EXAMPLE OF THEM!" Danny dramatically lifted his forefinger in the air, making a vow. "Now on to business! Can you find me a parallel world just like theirs only where the ponies have evolved with human bodies?"

"Hmmm… Do you mean furry? An odd request but I think I can do something about it!" The brainiac kicked his settings action into high gear, twisting dials and pushing buttons.

"Yeah, sure whatever you say prof!" the protagonist agreed, non-caringly.

Not surprisingly, the world of the original show already had its coordinates in the core's memory (to which the blond character rolled his eyes in irritation). Using this dimension as a base, the dark skinned genius started flipping through different versions of it. He passed through an Appocaliptic version, where all of em were dead, a version with humans fighting against ponies, one where there were lesbians and gays, even another where Celestia was all Nazi ruler like and was called Queen Trollestia. After a couple of more tries, the professor finally found the world Danny was looking for: The one where they had anthropomorphic features, with their bodies the same as a human except at the end of the feet where they had hooves instead. They also possessed wings, and horns, and tails, and the same pony faces.

"Yeyuh! Jackpot!" The protagonist cheered.

"So, are you gonna go now?" The smart man wondered.

"I told you I need to get some stuff! I'll go get it from my house, in the mean time you set the timer for 5 months and do all the other stuff you need in order to prepare the tele-whatchamacallit hunk-a-bolts!" And with that Danny walked out with determination in his eyes. A determination to get back at these ponies for invading his daily life with their "Friendship is Magic". ;P

"What a weird boy, that Danny is! But I like it, I like it!" The egghead said his concluding goofy line, after which turning his attention back to work.

In 2 hours everything was ready and set! Our character had prepared a small backpack, filled with all the necessities for survival: a bottle of mineral water, strong rope with a grappling hook, a Chinese Jian (a double edged straight sword) sticking out, plenty of ham sandwiches, fresh cucumbers, an I-pod with a long lasting battery, a clean white sheet and a pillow.

"Okay professor, I'm more ready as I'll ever be!" The adventurous young lad grinned, more confident in himself than ever.

"Don't forget to get me their autographs and…" the middle-aged science nerd held his tongue at the sight of his chum's face that seemed like spelling out - Yeah, right! Don't count on it! – "Just take good care of yourself and have a fanta-smakin stay!"

"You pony lovers are pathetic!" the pony hater made his last comment throwing himself into the mechanical blue vortex "Fare thee weaaaaaah…" the dude hollered as he got sucked in this roller-coaster of a ride.

"I hope he gets me a souvenir!" Sowell rubbed his palms all happy-like.

Danny made all kinds of yelling noises as he was traveling through this tunnel of blue energy, like some kind of a fast water-slide. As our character zoomed along the way, the shades of blue kept changing constantly: from daytime blue, to azure, to night-time inky blue.

Finally after 5 minutes of dimension surfing, the end of it could be seen as our hero was spat out onto a grassy field.

"Wooooooah…OW! DAMN! HURTS! GREEN! HARD! SHIT!" he tumbled down like a soccer ball, bouncing from the inertia.

When the blond man came to his senses, he felt the warm rays of the sun on the back of his head, the soft fragrant grass against his face and arms, and the painful bruises he had received just now, which stung like burns.

"Now that's a fucked up way to start an adventure!" the human groaned, flipping on his back.

The sky was absolutely stunning, with mild clouds in the sky, and the wind blowing countless flower petals around in the air. It must be spring now.

"What a peaceful innocent place! ... Can't wait to taint its purity!" Danny snickered devilishly.

When he stood up, our character noticed this was some sort of a field covered with slopes and hills. So that's why there was a lot of falling down, involving his arrival.

Just then he was interrupted by a bone-chilling roar. Turning his attention to the left, the mischievous guy saw a manticore closing in on him with bloodlust in its eyes. The beast seemed hungry as it licked its lips, assuming that the bipedal creature in front of it was gonna be an easy meal.

No way was our cool chap becoming manti-chow! Our protagonist unzipped his backpack, taking out his sword with cold precision blazing in his pupils.

"Okay, ugly! Let's rock!" he bent his neck, making a cracking sound.

"ROOOOAAR!" the monster ran forth in an attempt to charge our dude but as soon as it sensed it was going to get its face impaled on his blade, it opened up its wings and flew above its target.

However as soon as it landed, the manticore heard a slash behind its back.

"RUUUH!" it growled in pain with a missing wing.

"Be careful on your landing! You might lose a wing!" our earthling flapped the clipped wing mockingly, then threw it into the creature's face.

Distracted by the thrown appendage the lion-scorpion-bat didn't see the next attack, which was a direct hit in its front limb.

"Gotcha!" the blonde lord of awesome smiled cockily but in its blind rage the manticore swiped at him, dealing some serious injuries.

Danny hissed, gripping his right arm tightly. He had received 3 deep cuts and blood was pouring out. He had to think quick as the beast charged him once more. Doing a quick back spin kick, the blonde guy broke its jaw, making it stumble back.

"DON'T FUCK WITH ME!" the human applied a strong regular spin kick to the manticore's face which led to it falling down on the side.

Kneeling, the badass started to pummel the beast with his fists so badly, they turned red with the creature's blood.

In a flash though things took a turn as the scorpion tail, which was dormant to this time, struck the human on the hip.

The pain was almost unbearable as Danny curled up in a fetal position, while the manticore leaned above him. Taking evasive action to avoid the next swipe, the fighter resorted to rolling away, using the slope he and the beast were on. When he reached flat ground, the hero unfurled himself into a relaxed position, lying on his belly. He thought he was a gonner and was just thinking of accepting his ironic fate when he remembered his jian. He still had it in his grip. Without thinking, the swordsman flipped on his back ever so suddenly, his weapon reaching for the sky. And with a lucky timing, that was when the hybrid monster had leapt and was just about to drop upon our protagonist when it instead impaled itself on our guy's razor blade. It went deep into the manticore's heart, as the beast let out a last dying growl.

Danny then pushed it to the side and stood up, leaning on his weapon. Blood dripped all over his body, staining his clothes severely! He spat at his dead foe and took off in a random direction.

"I hope I find Ponyville somehow! Not to mention, not coming across any more shitty carnivores! I should have brought a gun instead of this stupid sword! I hope the town's doctor isn't some stubborn moron who refuses to treat non-pony beings!"

Walking was hard as the poison spread to his lower body, not to mention some sort of black curtain kept going down over his eyes. However by pushing his will to the limit, the man carried on. That is when lady Luck smiled upon him and lead him straight to where he was suppose to go.

Tilting back and forth, Danny gazed upon the town of Ponyville, making out some unclear figures flying above it, and the silly looking buildings being as welcoming as ever. Summoning the last of his strength, the protester against nerdom yelled on the top of his lungs, hoping that every Brony could hear him:

"What do you say to THIS Mlp Fim fans? Imma gonna fuck all your favorite characters! Gonna own all them pony bitches! OOOOOOOOOOOOOH! And I ain't gonna go easy on nopony! Hmm, Hmm!" Danny made his Regular show references "Now if you excuse me, I'm gonna pass out!" the guy fell like a sack of potatoes, his mind going blank.

Author's note: And that was your run of the mill cliffhanger folks. The 2nd chapter is already in production and near completion! Maybe I'll upload it next week. Hope I won't get any flames for this. Please, review!


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